Yours in prayers, with .357
Sister Spatula
========================================
James Obi vs Sister Spatula
Return to main menu ...... page1 ..... page2 ..... page3 ..... page4 ..... page5 ..... page6
From the Desk of Mr. JAMES OBI
Attention : SIR/MADAM.
Dear SIR/MADAM,
My name is JAMES OBI I am a banker with one of the banks in Lagos in
Nigeria. I have urgent and very confidential business proposition for
you. On June 6 2002, a Zimbabwean farmer/businessman made a numbered
time(Fixed) deposited for twelve calendar months, valued at
$15,320,000.00 (Fifteen million,three hundred and twenty thousand united
states dollars-five) in my branch.
Upon maturity, I sent a routine notification to his
forwarding address but got no reply. After a month,i sent
a reminder and finally we discovered from his co-farmer
who previously had a joint account with him in my bank
that he died in the land crisis in Zimbabwe.
On further investigation, I found out that he did not
leave a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin
were fruitless. I therefore made further investigation and
discovered that he did not declare any next of kin in all etc.., blah...blah...blah
....Awaiting your urgent reply Yours faithfully.
Mr. JAMES OBI
===========
Dear Obi,
I am Sister Spatula of Nova Scotia. How can I be of help to you?
Truly yours,
Sister Spatula
==========================================
Dear Sister,
Thank you for your swift response, I am sure we shall not regret doing this business together. First I must inform
you that there is no risk to be encountered in this transfer as it will be done under the dictates of the law so
be rest assured that it is very safe .
Indeed, the Lord is God all the time. He is the one that makes a way where there sem to be no way. He is the miracle
working God. He is the one that parted the red sea for his children and fed them with quail and mana. He is the
same yesterday, today and forever more, and because he lives I can face tomorrow. He is the Alpha and Omega. He
has the final say on any matter, especially this one.
My dear Sister, I was a muslim before converting to Christianity, and since then, I have seen the goodness of the
Lord in this land of the living. If you are also a Christian, then you should join me in thanks giving and praise,
for I am 100% confident that God has brought ustogether to bless us through this transfer. It is now left for both
of us to trust and love each other to be possess this blessing.
How I got to know your contact is not relevant now. This is a devine contact. But to satisfy your curiousity, I
contracted a Information Management company to research and locate any relative of the deceased within the USA,
as he was of American stock. The research was carried out using the surname of the deceased, and the first result
was you. Now, I am not interested in any further search. I already consider you as my own sister.
But before I fill you in with the precise details which would see to the completion of this project, I have to
intimate you with the following details which would ascertain your level of preparedness for us to forge ahead
becasue I do not want to make a mistake.
Please be aware, that this project most importantly will need your undivided attention, this I am sure you should
be prepared for already. I am very much prepared on my part, but the question is are you capable and prepared to
compliment my efforts? I have worked very hard in my life and this is one opportunity I do not want to lose, thereby
I have invested all resources at my disposal to see it come to fruition. I must warn you that this project is not
for babies, you have to be business minded.
I am 58yrs of age, with a wife and four children to cater for including an aged mother and my monthly take home
pay is by no means capable of fending for all of them, so you can see why this project means everything to me.
You must assure me of your complete sincerity in this matter.
Would your attention be focused on this matter until we complete? Can you assure me of your avowed allegiance to
confidentiality? Now, and after we complete the project. Can you assure me that my share of the money would be
handed over to me when we complete? Are you a vibrant person?
Lastly, are you satisfied with the percentage that I have offered to you? I urge you to consider very well my questions;
because once we begin we have to end. This is so because, all the original papers relating to this project are
to be prepared in your name as beneficiary and once they are done; it is immediately recorded and filed away where
I cannot begin all over again. I am sure you understand my fears, but your assurance would serve a lot. I beg you
to please back out now if you cannot assure me sincerely so that this project is not brought to odium. Upon your
positive response to this mail, I shall furnish you with the detailed modalities of this pending transaction. Alsoplease
observe very strict confidentiality as I am still serving with my bank and I do not want anything to jeopardize
my appointment and this project I look forward to completing this gainful project with you. Thank you.
Thank you for the anticipated prompt response.
I remain your brother,
James Obi
=======================
Dearest Obi,
Your sanctity is overwhelming. You are a blessed messenger of the Messiah, you are.
You mentioned:
> The research was carried out using the surname of the deceased,
>and the first result was you.
Does that mean that the deceased bears my name: "Spatula", because, this is my family name which we are
allowed to keep in this blessed congregation. My father was Rev. Greeh C. Spatula, and he often mentioned an uncle
who owned land on the African continent, but he had lost all contacts with him. Your finding me is a miracle indeed
Let me state that I am Sister Spatula, and I am situated in a convent in North Nova Scotia. Ours is a cloister
and it is strictly forbidden to speak. In January, our rector finally permitted our Internet connection so that
we may conduct our financial affairs with the head office in Halifax. I am quite familiar with finances, having
being Secretary Treasurer of our order up until last week, when I was transferred to Sales.
I have a slight perturbation with the minuscule percentage offered however. 30% does not cut it with sister Spatula.
42% would be more into the standing of general accounting practices which we are accustomed to in this country.
Do proceed with drawing the necessary documents and be assured that Sister Spatula will see this transaction through
to the bitter end. Our community need these funds for a mall construction project we are planning, and I'm looking
forward to it as our only source of revenue at the moment is Ad Placement on our habits, which we would like to
see an end to very soon.
It would be nice for Sister Spatula to have such a knowledgeable correspondent as Bother Obi, with whom I could
discuss the scriptures. I am a graduate of The School Of Parabolic Euphonies. Having obtained my baccalaureate.
For example. Was Jedadhia the stepson of Imaya in search of revenge? such as reported in Alphonsic:29, or was he
the bastard nephew of Julio expressing his disdain for authority? as alluded to in the sacred book of Becossea.
Also, I thought that after God parted the Red Sea for his children, he fed them with "snails and manna".
But no matter, quail is somewhat like a big snail with wings anyway.
And as you stated: "The Lord is God and he has the final say on any matter, especially this one." so
how can I refuse to help you.
Awaiting your reply with sanctimonious attitude, I bless your soul, dear Obi, so please get back to me with some
good news. And the new percentage discussed.
Sister Spatula
==========================
Dear Sister,
Thanks for the assurance, I know you must have been waiting to hear the modalities for this transaction and
the role you are to play in the execution of this deal, so I have tried my best to put everything in writing to
the best of my ability, hoping that you will understand me thoroughly. I want you to peruse this mail very carefully
and confirm understanding before we begin.
Yes,the research was carried out using the surname of the deceased, and the deceased name is (PATRICK.F.SPATULA)
so I want to assure you that you have nothing to worry about since you share the same surname with our late customer(PATRICK.F.SPATULA).
The execution of this transaction is going to be in two stages. The First stage...blah...blah...blah
Call me soon as you have digested this mail to acknowledge receipt of the mail. And please make sure that you mention
this code word (ABS001) when calling for me to be sure that you are the one calling and my response will be same
as calls are been hijacked on air here in Nigeria.
I will appreciate if we can talk about the percentage and other things that are related to this transaction over
the telephone when you call ok.
My direct telephone number is:234-1-721-28-64 dial this number the way it is here.
Awaiting your response
I remain your brother,
James Obi
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest sister,
Sorry, I forgot to tell you that after discussing your request with my colleague in the office that knows
about this deal, both of us agreed giving you 35% while we both share 65%. And I think that the 35% is ok for you
unless you want to be greedy my sister.
Moreso, I hope you know that you will be helping me to invest my own share of the funds in your country? So please
sister let us go ahead as we have a lot to do in the future.
I remain your brother,
James.
============================================
Blessed Brother James,
This is incredible. You have found my great uncle. I seem to remember my father mentioning his nickname as "Flone".
His name was Tephlone Spatula which would explain the F in his middle initial. His real name must have been Patrick.
God in his wisdom, has led Obi's quest directly to Sister Spatula so we must not disappoint him, and get this money
transferred as soon as possible.
Thank you for your prompt reply. As I mentioned previously, I am in a cloister and it is strictly forbidden for
us to speak, even amongst sisters. For that reason, there are no telephones in the convent. When the internet was
installed in January, it was understood that it would not be allowed to hook up a microphone and speakers. If I
was to speak, I would be punished severely.
35% it shall be. After all, I am married to the lord and you are correct, 42% might look greedy which could bring
about a divorce.
Also, to show you my gratitude, I shall help you invest into our franchise of kitchenware. Big money to be made.
I must stress, DO NOT mention this transaction to anyone because if Mother Superior got wind of this, I would be
kicked out of the convent and back to working the streets.
I await your copy of Patrick Spatula's testament, and remain forever grateful of your helping me with the transfer.
We can then seek the letter of probate.
God forever be with your heavenly body in his wisdom of...uh...well...Amen!
Sister Spatula
==================================
Dearest sister,
Once again, I thank you for your understanding and also taking the time and pains to lay bare your mind on this
issue. Infact you have earned my utmost respect and trust, as a thorough person who will be honorable to release
my share of the funds when it eventually arrive your bank account. May God give you the insight and patience to
trust and go the extra miles with me in the devine process...etc...yata..yata..yata
My dear sister, hope you now understand why this transaction should be kept very secret and confidential? Pease
make sure that you keep this transaction very confidential because I don’t want to go to jail ok.
Finally, hope you are ok with the selection of the new POPE? bnecuase for mePOPE BENEDITH XV1 is the best choice
because as the best friend of POPE JOHN PAUL 11 he will emulate his good work.
I wil be expecting you immediate reply so that I can ask the attorney to go ahead with the drafting of the WILL/TESTAMENT.
May God bless you.
James Obi
=========================================
Brother James,
You are a major disappointment to Sister Spatula. Although you may be good with the scriptures, you forget your
ten commandments. One of which relates to "Though shall not pass on my charges to someone else", or something
to that effect.
It is said: "You breaketh thy contract with the blessed Sister and God shall squeeze thy prostate until thy
visuals poppeth out of thy cranium."
In your last letter, paragraph 3, these are your words:
>" the cost and its registration in the appropriate authorities here in Nigeria."
In paragraph 4. Again, these are your very words:
"I will pay off the lawyer who would prepare the "WILL”.
You are not a man of your word and that is so sad. My uncle Patrick Spatula must be spinning in his grave.
I new something was wrong when they named the new pope Benedict the sixteenth. We where hoping that they would
name him Pope Becosse ll, after our idolized saint who became pope in the seventh century.
You state:
>Pease make sure that you keep this transaction
>very confidential because I don’t want to go to jail ok.
Well, brother James, I don't want to go back to jail either so I expect you to keep your word.
If this transaction is to go on, you will find the money for that villain lawyer and get that will. And send me
a copy.
I await your reply, brother James, and just to keep you in line this time, I attach a photo of my sisters, with
weapons, preparing for a local wild boar hunt. You do not mess with Sister Spatula. Remember that.
Yours in prayers, with .357
Sister Spatula
========================================
My dearest sister,
Yes I said in my email correspondent to you that I will bank roll the what ever it will take to draft the WILL/
TESTAMENT in your favour, but I never new that it was going to cost that much. I must confess to you my sister,
I felt very insulted after reading the content of your last email correspondent to me. I only asked for assistance
in order to hasten the transaction because it is going to take me a while to raise all the money for the attorney
that will be drafting the WILL/TESTAMENT in your favour, I was not imposing any money on you at all and I want
you to get it straight.
Dear sister, I respect you very well because I am a catholic and I know what it takes to be a Reverend Sister,
and I do expect that you give me respect in return as a Christian brother that meant well for you ok.
You see why I want this transaction to be kept secret? So let us keep our promise so that we both will not end
up in jail.
I will be expecting your go ahead before I proceed and if you instruct me to go ahead then the attorney that will
be drafting the WILL in your favour will need the following information that will be inserted into the WILL:
1. Your name and full residential address.
2. Your real age and occupation.
3. Your social; security number
4. Photo copy of your international passport or driver’s license.
5. Your marital status.
The above information is very important for the WILL/TESTAMENT.
I shall be expecting your quick response to proceed.
I remain your brother,
James.
==================================
Fibbing Brother James,
What do you mean when you say:
>I was not imposing any money on you at all and I want you to get it straight.
Dearest Obi was asking Sister Spatula to fork over $2000 for something he had promised to pay himself. Has the
Satan himself taken over Brother James's tongue, causing all these lies?
As a catholic, you should know that every lie on this earth, God will tighten the testicular squeeze in the afterlife.
Keep that up and you are in for some major pain, brother.
You have to see the errors of your way and follow Sister Spatula into a redemption prayer for the salvation of
your soul:
"Ave tomateum vita lettoucius baconiti muchatos mayonasius. Amen!
I hope you feel better. I know I do. It sure eased the grumbling in my stomach.
Now, here is the information requested to complete the testament of uncle Patrick Spatula:
>1. Your name and full residential address.
Sister Spatula, O.B.U.
Saint Bubbles Cloister
Boisdale, Nova Scotia B1Y 3S0
Canada
>2. Your real age and occupation.
29, Real age: 35. Most Sacred Sister, nun type.
>3. Your social; security number
002-534-991
>4. Photo copy of your international passport or driver’s license.
I only drive my scooter and don't have a driver's licence. I also have never travelled outside Nova Scotia, so
don't have a passport either. But I do have
a firearm permit from the Nova Scotia government. I attach such permit.
>5. Your marital status.
Married to the Order Of The Blessed Utensil for 12 years. Conjugal benefits are not what I expected when I joined,
that's for sure.
>6. Bank Information
account name: O.B.U. (Order Of The Blessed Utensil)
Account Number: 29989-474
Authority of attorney: Sister Spatula & Sister Sala Debowl
Bank of Montreal
37 Union Street
Glace Bay, Nova Scotia
Canada B1A 2P0
Telephone 1902-849-5524
Now, all depends on you Brother James Obi, so do not let me down. And you don't have to worry, I will not mention
your name to the banking authorities. Unless you cross me, and then, everything goes.
Sister Spatula
===================================================================
Dear Sister,
I am in receipt of your two email correspondents and you still sound as if I was forcing out money from you.
Like I told you earlier on, I am 58year old and can't be telling lies because of what I am too sure of ok. I
asked if you can assist me with the balance of $2000 I was not enforcing it on you ok.
I called the attorney that will be drafting the WILL/TESTAMENT in your favour today and he told me that today is
a public holiday i.e the birth day of PROFECT MOHAMMED. I have raised more than half of the attorney's fees say
$15,000 and will like to give him the part payment by tomorrow but I will like to get two things very straight.
1. Can you open a fresh account for this transaction? so that our money does not miss up with your convent money.
2. Will you be able to take care of the bill of the other attorney that will be representing you in my bank?
May the almighty God bless my sister.
I remain your brother,
James.
NB: If I get your go ahead, it then mean that you mighty receive the attach WILL/TESTAMENT by early next week.
========================================
Dearest Blessed Brother James,
Ye of little faith. I forgive you your misstep and trust you in the fullest.
I had a dream last night. We where back at the farm for a Spatula family reunion and everyone was there, even uncle
Patrick Spatula. We where discussing Asinineun theology when our new Pope Benedict the 16th came out of the stable
wearing nothing but galoshes and a golden crown. I'm not sure what it meant but I think that it was the Lord and
Messiah telling me to trust Brother James. So it is...this morning, I woke up fully trusting you. With my life
even.
You stated:
>1. Can you open a fresh account for this transaction?
>so that our money does not miss up with your convent money.
Yes, but I can't go to Glace Bay, where the bank is, for another week or so.
You also stated:
>2. Will you be able to take care of the bill of the other attorney
>that will be representing you in my bank?
You take care of the will, as you promised, and do not worry about the other lawyer, just send me his names along
with uncle Patrick Spatula's testament, and sister Spatula will take care of him. That is a solemn promise made
to my precious Brother Obi.
Also, do not worry about me giving out your name, I will keep that secret to my grave.
Another solemn promise from Sister Spatula, your blessed sister in light of the almighty for ever and whatever...uh..here
I go again..well...Amen!
You will have to trust me cause I'M A NUN for God's sake. And I am late for morning prayer so pray with me, blessed
brother, that all goes well.
"Ava linguinium vita clamatius saucii ouno glassatiam bordeautieus". Amen!
Sister Spatula
===================================================
My dearest sister,
I am very happy that you have finally trusted me at last because without trust we can not go far with this
mutual and beneficial transaction, and I promise you that the almighty God both of us worship will definitely see
us through this transaction.
My beloved sister, hope you have started making all necessary arrangement for my family and I coming over to your
country? Because as soon as this funds hits your account I will tender my resignation letter to my bank so that
I can plan my family very well.
etc................
Finally, please I want to know if it is only sister Spatula that you want to be in the TESTAMENT. Don’t you have
any first name before your surname? Please reply as the attorney will start drafting the WILL/ TESTAMENT from Monday.
I will be expecting your urgent response my sister.
I remain your brother,
James.
========
Pecious Brother James. He who thinks of everything,
Thank God above, Ibo is finally coming up with the money. Bless you brother deary.
James Ibo, my brother in prayer, since you are Catholic, I am making arrangements for you and your family to move
in to the rectory of our church. There is a small apartment at the back that is not used at the moment.
Yes, the Will should be in my own name. The other sisters do not need to know about this. Let them get their own
rich uncle.
Before I married the big Kahoony, my full maiden name was:
Nonstyk Spatula
I was name after one of my mother's aunt, the explorer, Elora Nonstyk.
I await the Testament, forever coming but never arriving, in prayer that all goes well and without problems. So
genuflects you sinner and pray with me:
"fisham ando chipseus vita vinegarias". Amen!
Sister Spatula
=====================
From: james obi
Subject: ATTACHED IS THE WILL/TESTAMENT
My dear sister,
Attached to this email is the THREE PAGES of the WILL of Mr.PATRICK F SPATULA.The lawyer has completed the WILL.Confirm
if you received the three pages clearly please.
yata...yata...yata...
I remain your brother,
James.
THE DRAFT OF LETTER YOU WILL SEND TO THE LAWYER:
- - - - - - - -
ATTN:OSUNDSU AMADI
EQUITY CHAMBERS,
SURULERE-LAGOS NIGERIA.
APPLICATION TO APPOINT YOU AS MY LEGAL REPRESENTATIVE.
I hereby make this humble request that you represent me in the process of securing my inheritance of $15,320,000
which was given to me vide the last WILL of my late uncle Mr.PATRICK F. SPATULA.
The amount is deposited at ALL STATES TRUST BANK,VICTORIA ISLAND BRANCH LAGOS on the 6th of June 2002.
Please,I will be obliged to know what your requirements are.
Yours faithfully,
Miss Nonstyk Spatula.
O.B.U Saint Bubbles Cloister
Boisdale, Nova Scotia
B1Y3SO Canada.
=================================================
ATTENTION: MISS NONSTYK SPATULA.
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI
DEAR MISS. SPATULA,
THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR REQUEST FOR THE LEGAL REPRESENTATION OF YOUR GOODSELF IN PROCESSING THE TRANSFER OF
YOUR INHERITANCE TO YOUR DESIGNATED BANK ACCOUNT IN CANADA.
blah...blah...blah...
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
==================================================
Barrister Amadi, you blessed thing,
I am at a cloister where there are no telephones as it is against our religion. Please forward my uncle's fortune
to my bank account, and you shall be richly rewarded by the almighty.
I attach my will and testament, from my beloved uncle Patrick Spatula. He was much much loved, and wealthy to.
Please hurry up with the handing over my money. Carry on.
Sincerely yours,
Nonstyk Spatula
=========================================================
Dear Godly James,
I have just sent a copy of MY will to the barrister. My...I mean OUR money should be on the way later this week.
I will let you know when it arrives.
Stay saintly and blessed to the hilts,
Sister Spatula
==========================================
ATTENTION: MISS NONSTYK SPATULA.
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA,
THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THE "WIIL/TESTAMENT" OF YOUR LATE UNCLE ( MR PATRICK. F. SPATULA).
blah...blah...blah...$11,650.
...blah...blah $6,650 TO ENABLE US START THE WORK.
PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR blah...blah...
REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
EQUITY CHAMBERS,
----------------------------------------------
Dear Barrister Sir,
Thank you for taking my case so promptly. $11,650 is most reasonable. Are you sure that it is enough? Because I
do not want to take advantage of your generosity. I have contacted my bank and they assure me that they can easily
transfer the whole amount to your bank in Nigeria. I will need your bank code and access number, as well as the
bank's name, address and telephone number. Transfer could be as early as Monday.
I await you reply with grace in my soul for your person, for heavenly blessing to strike you hard upside your cerebellum
so that you may enjoy full rewards coming to you. I must pray: "Excrementis basturdiam legalesium". Amen!
Nonstyk Spatula
================================================
From: james obi
My beloved sister,
I am very happy that etc...etc...etc...
I will be expecting your response, while waiting may the good LORD continue to be with you AMEN.
I remain your brother,
James.
===============================================
Alleluia Brother James, you are cut from the same cloth at Saint Gaseous Flatulencey, our
patron saint here at the convent.
I just received a note from the barrister and THANK GOD, he will handle the case immediately.
Genuflect some more you sinner, we are going to be rich very shortly so we must go into prayer so that everything
will work out well.
"Bostonius beaniatus vita porcineum uno tomatoiam saucii, beaucoupias fartiuam." Amen!
I will get back to you as soon as the transfer is in our holy bank account.
Sister Flatula
============================================
ATTENTION: MISS NONSTYK SPATULA.
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA.
blah...blah...FIRM IS NOT RUNNING A CHARITABLE ORGANIZATION; blah...blah... ADVICE YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT VIA WESTERN
UNION MONEY TRANSFER etc...
INFORMATION FOR THE PAYMENT:
SENDER: YOUR NAME: (NONSTYK SPATULA).
RECEIVER’S NAME: MY COLLEAGUE THAT WORK WITH MY CHAMBERS (BARRISTER ABIOLA BELLO)
TEXT QUESTION: (DO YOU BELEIVE IN GOD)?
ANSWER: (YES I DO).
FINALLY, REMEMBER TO TAKE TO OUR INSTRUCTION TO MAKE THE PAYMENT IN THREE PLACES.
FIRST PAYMENT SHOULD BE: $2,000
SECOND PAYMENT: $2,000
THIRD PAYMENT: $2,000
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
SURULERE-LAGOS NIGERIA.
=========
Dear Barrister,
Thank you for your prompt reply and yes, we must keep this transaction totally confidential so as you suggest,
Western Union money transfers are ideal. There are no WU offices in our town but as luck would have it, I'm being
transferred next week to Glace Bay, for some medical concerns, and I believe that there is a WU office there. If
so, I will send the 3 transfers a.s.a.p.
Thanks again, you are a gift from the heaven, so honest and helpful that it deserves a short prayer:
"Hopeesius thatoum yoall dropinium dedius". Amen!
Sister Spatula
=========================
Brother James,
Great news, the barrister is taking our case. I'm so happy I wet myself. But that is due to a medical condition
for which the convent is transferring me to the Glace Bay convent next week. I passed some medical test last week
and the news was not good. The rabbit died if you know what I mean. How was I to know that Reverend Frye Ingpan
was lying when he said that the Lord would "protect" us. His Blessed Utensil is the source of all my
medical troubles.
The Bishop was informed and he was not pleased. I tried to explain that being married to God, this would be like
baby Jesus number two, but he didn't buy it. Nor did he buy the immaculate conception theory.
Dearest Brother James, Sister Spatula is up the creek, so they are transferring me to the Glace Bay convent because
we do not have medical facilities here. I will keep you informed as best I can, as soon as I have sent the barrister
Osundu his fee.
To later...
Mother Spatula
=====================================
*** NOTE: At this point, Sister Spatula took a two week vacation down in Pensylvania. Being busy trying to convert
those sinning Amish to the Order of The Blessed Utensil, she had no time for Brother James, which caused some panic
in Nigeria. Sister Spatula seems to be very popular down there.
==========================================
ATTENTION: MISS NONSTYK SPATULA.
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA,
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT OUR LAW FIRM IS STILL WATING TO HEAR FROM YOU BEFORE WE CONTINUE WITH YOU BRIEF.
REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
============
From: james obi
My dearest beloved sister,
The devil is a liar and I would want to refer back to psalm 23 in the holy bible that says and I quote “EVEN
THOUGH I WORLK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF THE DEATH I FEAR NO EVIL FOR THE LORD IS WITH ME”
My beloved sister, just have it in your mind that we have defeated devil and when battle with devil is over both
of us shall were a crown of victory, and I so much have it in mind it is the crown that we are about to were now.
blah...blah...
My beloved, I can’t wait to be with you in Canada. I really want to be with you in person very soon.
May the almighty God be with you Amen.
I remain your brother,
Brother James.
------------------------------------
From: james obi
Subject:
Very Worried My Sister !!!
My dearest beloved sister,
I am very worried for not hearing from you since the begining of this week and today is Friday, hope all is well
with you? Please email me so that I will be updated with what is happening as I am very worried about your sudden
silent to all my email correspondents.
I remain your beloved brother,
James.
------------------------------
From: james obi
Subject: Very Much Worried My Beloved Sister !!!
My dearest beloved sister,
This is the second week since I have not heard from you last, at list you are surposed to have emailed me
even if anything is the problem. I have emailed you more than twice since then and no response yet, why my sister?
I am just as a blind man in this transaction now because you are surpose to be updating me with latest information
until your file hits my table as the next of kin to late Mr.SPATULA.
blah..blah..blah
James.
--------------------------------
From: james obi
My dearest sister in the Lord,
I much profound my disappointment to you, you have really not behaved like a reverend sister. After telling you
in details how I raised funds to push this transaction up to this conclusive level, look at how you are treating
me, making look like a fool, why??? Have I done wrong contacting you to come and claim you uncle’s funds which
you never new about?? Please tell me because I am confused at this point as I don’t know what else to do as I can
not start up a again looking for another next of kin since "BARRISTER OSUNDU" AMADI has officially tendered
the WILL/TESTAMENT to my bank ion your favour.
My dear sister, even if anything is the problem, can’t you just mail me so that I would be rest assured that my
sister is still around me both spiritually and otherwise.
Please mail me to restore my happiness again a I am very worried at the moment.
I remain your brother
James.
===============================
My dearest Brother James,
You Holy piece of Ungodly Matter, you must be wondering what has happened to Sister Spatula. I just got out of
the hospital and that is why I couldn't contact you all this time.
A new Messiah has been born and his name is Bob. He is being cared for by the Holy Sisters of Divine Cutlery back
in St. John's. Alleluia!
Please brother, tell me that the money bag is still at the bank so that I can contact my attorney to get this thing
moving.
I love your quote:
>“EVEN THOUGH I WORLK THROUGH THE VALLEY
>OF THE SHADOW OF THE DEATH I FEAR NO EVIL
>FOR THE LORD IS WITH ME”
Isn't that from "The Return of the Jedi"? You are so well read in theologic literature that you give
me goose bumps, you fountain of Urinic driblature.
I will await your prompt reply in deep prayer from the Assininius Holy Writings, Brother James:
"Mayyous turdanea seizeie inyo rectumma" Amen!
Sister Spatula
===========================
From: james obi
Subject: Well Come Back My Beloved Sister !!!
My dearest sister,
How could you blame me for panicking after I mighty have explained to you how I got all the funds that
made up the fees..etc...
etc.....
My beloved, you are the captain of this transaction and off-course you should be aware that without you nothing
happens. So our money is still very much intact, all I expect from you is to contact the attorney so that he can
continue from were he stopped.
My beloved it is a very grate thing to hear from you again and I pray that MARY THE MOTHER OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST
WILL NEVER ALLOW YOU TO FALL SICK AGAIN.
yata..yata
I will be waiting to hear from you my beloved.
I remain your brother,
James.
==================
Brother James,
I apologize for the delay, I have difficult access to my email while I'm convalescing at the hospital outpatient
unit.
I received an email from the attorney and he is still willing to take our case so I will try to make it to the
Western Union station in St. John's by next Wednesday.
Something I should mention. When Bob was born, they demanded the name of the father, and since I couldn't reveal
Reverend Frye Ingpan as the real father, all I could think about was our dealing so I told them that it was you.
So the little messiah is named Bob Nonstyk Obi, which is better than Bob Nonstyk Frye Ingpan as that would have
gotten the reverend in trouble. I hope you don't mind that I gave him your name.
I will be in St.John's late Tuesday night, and will wire the money to the attorney on wed. morning.
Little Obi says how do!
Sister Spatula
================================
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA,
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT OUR LEGAL FIRM IS STILL HOPING TO RECEIVE PART OF OUR PAYMENT ON OR BEFORE THE END OF
NEXT WEEK.
etc...etc...etc..,
OUR LEGAL FIRM WAS VERY SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR SICKNESS, WE WISH YOU SOON RECOVERY
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
EQUITY CHAMBERS,
NO.10 ALFRED MORE STREET,
SURULERE-LAGOS NIGERIA.
==============
Dearest Barrister,
Thank you for sending me such a detailed email, it will make it easier to effect the transaction on Wednesday at
the Western Union office.
And thank you for your concern about my health in your previous email. The doctor say that I can stay out of the
Hospital by keeping a remote distance with the likes of the Reverend Frye Ingpan, as he appears to be fertile in
the utmost.
To Wednesday then.
Bless your Barristerish wigglet, and may God come down on you,
Nonstyk Spatula
===============
From: james obi
My dearest beloved sister,
Thank for the email reply to my last email correspondent that really shows that you have regained your
health back blah...blah...blah... I don’t mind at all you giving the little Bob my name. Anything that you feel
that you do that will get anybody into trouble please don’t do it.
more blah...blah...
My knees are on the ground praying that we conclude this transaction before the end of next week.
I remain your brother,
James.
======================
Dearest Holy Brother, you are a saint you are. Giving your moniker to little Bob in
such a generous fashion. When I read you email, I nearly fainted from joy. When I read it to Little Bob, he was
so happy he exuded from the other end.
You should not have to wait, you should be going to heaven at this very moment. In fact, I would love to help you,
but first, we must conclude our transaction.
I received an email from the attorney with all instructions on how to send his fee via Western Union, so I should
have no problems on Wednesday.
In the meantime, The Nova Scotia Family court is pressuring me to complete the Paternity Servitude document. In
order to get them off my back so that I will be free to travel to the Western Union office on Wednesday, could
you please sign the attach form and return it to me. That would take care of them for a while.
I await your return of the form so that I can give it to the Department on Monday.
Lets pray together, Brother James, so that all goes well:
"Halibutius vita garliquum origanium saucii uno linguinii pesto", Amen!
Sister Spatula
===========================
Brother James, deary, the social worker was here again this morning demanding the
Paternity form. She says that I cannot leave the home until I hand it over properly filled. Did you have a chance
to look it over and sign it. It's only a formality and doesn't mean anything, but if I don't get it sign by the
father, I can't leave on Wednesday to go to the Western Union Office.
When you send the form back, Precious James, could you include your photo so that Little Bob will have something
to remember his father, until you come to join us here in Canada. I promise I will not tell your wife about our
Little Bob,
Awaiting in "Silent" prayer for your reply, may the Lord keep you in his sight,
Sister Spatula
==================================
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA.
etc...
FURTHERMORE, IF YOU MAKE OUR PAYMENT ON WEDNESDAY IT IS LIKELY THAT YOUR BRIEF STARTS UP IMMEDIATELY OUR LAW FIRM
IS IN RECEIPT OF OUR PART PAYMENT INFORMATION.
etc...
REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE OUR BOSS NOW AND WE HAVE VERGED TO SERVE YOU WELL..
REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
NB: DON’T FORGET THAT YOUR BRIEF IS A CONFIDENTIAL ONE, SO MAKE SURE THAT YOU DON’T TELL THE WESTERN UNION AGENT
WHAT YOU ARE SENDING THE MONEY FOR. INCASE THEY ASK YOU, TELL THEM YOU ARE SENDING THE MONEY TO A CHRISTIAN BROTHER
AND NOTHING ELSE
===========================
Blasted Barrister,
All is set for Wednesday. I will follow your instruction religiously at the Western Union office and get back to
you when the money has been sent.
Everyday, I pray the almighty for justice for you. I still have hope that he will answer them and come down heavy
on your person with all the well deserved retribution.
Stay blessed,
Nonstyk Spatula
============================
From: james obi
Subject: Signed Form !!!
My dearest beloved sister,
I must confess that I am afraid when I saw the form initially but after going through it I have no option but
to sign the form since you promised that it is only for formality. Meanwhile my scanner is very bad for now but
before the end of this week I will certainly scan my picture and send it across to you to enable little Bob see
me. But make sure that you don’t reveal any of this secrete to my wife otherwise I am finished.
I have signed the form and attached is a copy of with accompanying this email correspondent, please my beloved
make sure nothing stops you from paying the attorney’s fees as you promised so that our funds can be released this
week or early next week ok!!!
Please email me as soon as you receive this mail to acknowledge the receipt of the signed form.
I will be expecting your prompt reply.
I remain your brother,
James.
==========
Saintly James,
Thank you for signing the form. I gave it to the social worker. She said that your cheque for child support is
late as they have not received it yet. I told them you would be sending it.
You forgot to send me your photograph. I sure would like to see what Little Bob's father looks like, so that when
I leave on Wednesday to go to the Western Union, the Little Messiah will have your photo to keep him company and
prevent nightmares. Unless it brings them on.
I will check my email later today to get that much expected photo.
Well, we are almost there Jamie Boy and soon the booty will be mine. I mean...ours.
I am in constant contact with the barrister and all is going well.
Adios and rush that photo for your son, Little Bob, or have you forgotten the fruit of your loins.
Sister Spatula
==========================================================
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA
THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR RECENT EMAIL TO OUR LEGAL FIRM AND WE ARE COUNTING ON YOUR PROMISES
TO SEND ............etc....
REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
SURULERE-LAGOS NIGERIA.
================================
Holiest of Barristers,
I am at a library computer in St. John's at the moment. I just got back from the Western Union, and I'm having
some troubles. The clerk would not take my order and send you the money. He told me about some $22,000 that they
sent last month and he said that it disappeared and that he got into a lot of trouble because of it. I told them
that I was sending money for the Blessed Culinary Institute in Nigeria via a most trusted lawyer and longtime friend
but he still would not take my order.
My next question is: Is there any other way I can send you your fee? We must find a way as this is most important.
Awaiting your instruction, I remain,
Nonstyk
==============================
From: james obi
My dearest beloved sister,
I had to fix my scanner today just because of little Bob, this is because there is no way I could have
scanned the picture outside my home off-course there is no way I could have done it in the office.
My wife was even asking me who I was sending the scanned picture to I had to tell her lies because if she eventually
finds out I will be in trouble and she might inform my other children that I have had I boy outside our wed-lock,
so please do not in any way make my wife ever suspect that I am doing this because it can cost me my marriage.
I am sending you the attached picture together with this mail; please tell little Bob that I will soon join him
in no time in Canada.
My beloved, I hope you know that in no time we shall be randing up with this mutual and gainful transaction. I
there by ask you hasten up in arranging me with letter of invitation from your country’s embassy.
I will be expecting your urgent response as soon as you conclude with the attorney’s fees.
I remain your brother,
James.
----------------------------------------
From: james obi
My dearest beloved sister,
Did you receive my picture of yesterday? Please indicate by replying this email.
Meanwhile how about my Son little Bob? Hope he is doing well? I am still waiting to hear from you on
how far you have gone with the payment of the attorney’s fees.
I remain your brother,
James.
=====================================
James of infinite patience and questionable honesty,
I have had some small setback at the Western Union office, but I'm straightening it out with Barrister Amadi.
Thank you for you photograph, you are as handsome as you are honest. Little Bob was so thrilled that he relieved
himself on it. I had to reprint another copy. I guess you have that effect on people, huh!
Your little son is eating like a lumberjack, he already gained twenty four pounds. The sisters are asking when
will your cheque for child support arrive. They can no longer afford to feed him, they had to cut food portions
to the others in order to keep your little bundle from chowing on the furnitures.
I am awaiting for a reply from Barrister Amadi as to how we will overcome the current problem. He is smart so he
will come up with a solution, I'm sure.
Don't worry about your wife finding out that you have been behind someone elses 'ol woodpile, judging from your
pic, she probably would be relieved to see that someone else would actually jump your bones. And little Bob...well,
he does kind of look like you but modern cosmetic surgery can fix that I'm sure.
you wrote:
> I there by ask you hasten up in arranging me with letter of invitation from your country’s embassy.
As soon as I hear from the barrister, I will let you know and will contact the Embassy for more information.
To later when you and the rest of the Farkle family join Little Bob and me.
Sister Spatula
=============================================
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA,
THIS IS TO INFORM YOU THAT AFTER CONSIDERING A LOT OF TROUBLES THAT YOU MIGHT ENCOUNTER WITH THE WESTERN UNION
MONEY TRANSFER IN MAKING OUR LEGAL FIRM PAYMENT AND MUCH ADVICE FROM MY BANKER’S FRIEND.
I HEREBY ADVICE THAT YOU STOP ALL PAYMENT THROUGH WESTERN UNION AND MAKE OUR FULL LEGAL FEES PAYMENT OF $11,650
VIA ACCOUNT.
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT IT WILL TAKE AT LIST THREE BANKING DAYS FOR THE MONEY TO GET TO OUR LEGAL FIRM, WHICH
MAKES NO DIFFERENT.
MADAM, MAKE SURE YOU TAKE TO OUR INSTRUCTION TO ENABLE US TREAT YOUR BRIEF WITH URGENCY AND IMPORTANCY.
THE ACCOUNT INFORMATION IS AS FOLLOW:
STANDARD CHARTERED BANK
SHENZHEN BRANCH
HONG KONG
SWIFT CODE: SCBLCNSXSHZ
A/C #: 4542230411
A/C NAME: ZHONGHAI INT’L
(HK) LIT.
WE WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR URGENT RESPONSE TODAY.
BEST REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
EQUITY CHAMBERS,
NO.10 ALFRED MORE STREET,
SURULERE-LAGOS NIGERIA.
=============================
Dear Barrister,
I see that God has not answered my prayers as you are still active, I will keep praying in hope of some justice
regarding yourself. No no, don't thank me, I really want to do it because you deserve it.
I knew you would come up with a solution, but I didn't think that the amount would quadruple to $11,650. But that's
O.K. you are worth every penny.
I will have to come up with the rest of the money in the next few days so that I can go to the bank and make the
money transfer so please be patient and God will catch up to you. Hopefully,
Nonstyk
=======================
From: james obi
My dearest sister,
I so much believe that who ever God has blessed no one can course him or her. The almighty God has
blessed both of us and no one can course us in Jesus Name.
My dearest beloved, please follow the attorney’s advice because he knows better than you and me on the best way
you can send him his fees. All I know is that the almighty God is in control.
I remain your brother,
James.
================================
James of Fatima,
Good news, the barrister has come up with a new plan for the fee transfer and I am working closely with him on
the problem. It should be resolved in the next few days. In the meantime, I received this notice from Social Services,
it appears that unless you send them a cheque immediately, they will put out a warrant for you. When I called Immigration
Canada this morning and inquired, they said that you may be refused entry into Canada as a wanted criminal fugitive
if you have a warrant.
Is there any way you can send a cheque to them so that they remove this objection to our blessed reunion, as I
cannot pay it, I have to gather a lot of money to pay the attorney.
I await you reply and Little Bob sends love to his daddy, and ask that he bring him some Nigerian baloney when
he comes over. He loves his baloney, the little hog.
I will send you a photo of your son when Sister Soopladdle comes back from town tomorrow as she has the camera.
I am still Nonstyk
Spatula the Sister.
==========================
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA
OUR LEGAL FIRM IS NOT TOO HAPPY WITH THE DELAY IN YOUR BRIEF etc........
WE HEREBY ADVICE THAT YOU MAKE PAYMENT etc.........
REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
SURULERE-LAGOS NIGERIA.
=================
Barrister Amadi, sir,
The problem arise when I only expected to send you $6000, but then you asked for $11550 and I was not ready since
I just paid out a very large amount of money to help the father of my child stay out of jail. I'm sure you understand.
I still have the $6000 that I will forward to you when I go to the bank in St.John's next Monday, and if that doesn't
work, we are going on a field trip to Moncton New Brunswick next week, the Sisters and I, to a cuisine congress,
and they have a Western Union office there.
Thank you for your patience as I'm doing everything possible to bring you justice with the help of the Lord.
As allways, I remain,
Nonstyk
=====================
******NOTE: Sister Spatula has been in contact with the Hong Kong police, Commercial Crime unit, about the information
on the Hong Kong bank account. So perhaps, justice will come to Barrister Amadi after all, whatever his name is.
You just don't mess with Sister Spatula.
=================
From: james obi
My dearest sister,
I received your mail with tears, how on earth would social services come up with a warrant to stop me
from entering Canada. But you did not tell me all this implications before I signed or accepted to adopt little
Bob as my son.
My dearest beloved sister, I must confess to you because you are like my blood sister now and I can not afford
to tell you lie. As I am now , I am hoping on our funds to do anything because all I had has been channeled to
this transaction, I am still owning a lot of people that assisted me with money in order to complete the fees of
the attorney that drafted the WILL/TESTAMENT in your favour.
My beloved, can’t you help to convince them to exercise some patience until our funds are in your account then
I can pay what ever amount they want me to pay. Please do that for me and also help to tell little Bob that I really
love him and will continue to love him until end of time.
I remain your brother,
James
================================
Dearest James of the Holy Land,
You are a vision of Holyness with your gracious attitude. You can relax, I just gave the Social Services a cheque
for $3000 and that should hold them back for a while and keep Little Bob in vittles for a few days. But we must
conclude this transaction soon so that you can come over to Canada before they declare you an undesirable criminal,
which could happen any day. Your illegitimate son would be devastated to have a petty criminal as a father and
would surely disown you.
I attach a photo sister Soopladle took yesterday of your Little Bob. He is growing by the minute as you can see.
I am in discussion with Barrister Amadi and we should have this concluded shortly.
To later my beloved Jamie Boy and try to stay out of jail until you can come to Canada, as the cells are much more
comfortable here.
Sister Spatula
=================================
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA
THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS RECEIPT OF YOUR LATEST EMAIL CORRESPONDENT AND THE EFFORT YOU ARE MAKING IN ORDER TO
SECURE OUR LEGAL FEES. I UNDERSTAND THE CONTENT OF YOUR EMAIL VERY WELL BUT WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND IS WHY THE
FATHER OF YOUR SON CAN NOT AFFORD THE UP KEEP OF HIS SON?
MORE SO, I WOULD ADVICE THAT YOU TRY AND MAKE SURE THAT EVERY THING WORKS OUT BY NEXT WEEK BECAUSE I WOULD NOT
AFFORD TO TAKE THE RISK I TOO LAST WEEK BECAUSE I LOST SO MUCH MONEY BY SHIFTING ALL THE BRIEF I WAS SUPPOSED TO
HANDLE THIS WEEK TO NEXT WEEK AND THEREBY REFUSED TO COLLECT MY LEGAL FEES FROM THE CLIENT’S BECAUSE OF YOUR BRIEF.
blah...blah...blah...
BEST REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
-----------------------------------
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA,
WE HOPE AND BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE MAKING OUR LEGAL PAYMENT TODAY AS OUR LEGAL FIRM INTENDS TO START UP WITH YOUR
BRIEF TOMORROW BEING 6TH OF JUN 2005, BECAUSE WE HAVE ALL READY MAPPED THIS WEEK FOR YOUR BRIEF.
PLEASE NOTE THAT IF YOU DID NOT COME UP WITH OUR PAYMENT TODAY OR TOMORROW YOUR BRIEF WILL BE SUSPENDED
etc...etc...
BEST REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
===========================================
Dearest Barrister,
Thank you for your heavenly patience as I understand that your workload is on hold due to my special case. And
once my loot has been transferred, I shall be very generous with your office.
You asked:
>WHAT I DON’T UNDERSTAND IS WHY THE FATHER OF YOUR
>SON CAN NOT AFFORD THE UP KEEP OF HIS SON?
Well...since you asked. It's because he's a lazy no-good bible thumping jackass who had his fun making a child
but doesn't want to spend the $1200 a week it cost to feed the little blimp. Plus, he's already married with kids.
Can you believe it, I had to give a cheque of $3000 to Social Services just so they wouldn't put out a warrant
for his arrest. I should have left the parasite hung to dry, a bit of jail time might bring him back to his senses
and start paying his back child support.
I have been borrowing money from the other sisters over the weekend and I now have $8300.
I will be taking care of business next week so that I can get this worry off your shoulders, saintly barrister
Amadi. You are the Mother Theresa of the law profession for being so patient. I will get back to you as soon as
I have made the transfer, with the details.
What I remain is,
Nonstyk
============================================
From: james obi
My dearest beloved sister,
I don’t know how to thank you but all I can say is that the almighty God will continue to be with you,
guide and protect you from all troubles till the end of time.
I read your mail with tears because it is quite difficult for some body you have not seen before to have that much
confident in you the way you did and the only way to prove it to you is when we conclude this mutual beneficial
transaction. I know that little Bob is blessed, I will appreciate if you mark my word today being 04/06/2005 that
little Bob will bring a lot of joy to our lives and the boy will be a very grate man in future.
I have nothing else to say or do but to believe in the almighty God the beginning and the finisher of our lives.
etc...etc...
I remain your brother,
James.
-------------------------
From: james obi
My beloved Godly sister,
How are you today and my little son Bob? Hope both of you is in good condition of health? The
almighty God is our strength my sister and he can never fail us especially at this point we so much need him to
intercede for us.
My beloved, have you hard from the attorney? If you do, how is everything with him? Please update me my beloved
as I am very curious about the whole thing.
I am eagerly waiting to hear from you my beloved sister, because I so much believe that you will receive our money
in your account this week.
I remain your brother,
James.
=================================
James of the Holy Land, no less,
Tears is what I had when taking pic. of your illegitimate son. They where flowing hilariously as Sister Soopladle
was trying to lift him and produced a hernia. But on a serious side, I cannot afford to feed him any longer, and
if he goes to bed hungry, I cannot afford to shut both eyes as he seems to be eying me as an edible.
As I explained to the dear Barrister, we must make this transfer as soon as possible so that my inheritance will
help pay for part of his food bill.
Your illegitimate son, Little Bob, says to say Hello. He is growing so fast that he weighs as much as some of the
Sisters.
I had a call from Social Services last night and they are not happy with you. It appears that the $3000 cheque
I made to them bounced and they are upset that you would let me pay for child support that is yours. She called
you some names that I cannot repeat and said that she is forwarding your file to the Attorney General for full
prosecution. It doesn't look good for you ma'boy.
So we must resolve this inheritance as soon as possible. I am in constant contact with Barrister Amadi and things
are coming along very well. I will keep you informed.
Stay honest, yeah...right.
Sister Spatula
==============
ATTENTION: MISS NONSTYK SPATULA.
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA,
MADAM, WE ADVICE THAT YOU MAKE PAYMENT OF THE $8,300 YOU HAVE GOTTEN IN ORDER TO ENABLE US START UP WITH YOUR BRIEF
IMMEDIATELY SO THAT YOU PAY THE BALANCE AFTER COMPLETION OF YOUR BRIEF. YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND WHY WE ARE GIVING
YOU THIS ADVICE, WE CAN NOT AFFORD TO SHIFT YOUR BRIEF TO NEXT WEEK AS OUR LEGAL FIRM WILL BE VERY BUSY FROM NEXT
WEEK THE OTHER CLIENTS.
OUR LEGAL FIRM WILL BE EXPECTING AN URGENT RESPONSE TO THIS EMAIL CORRESPONDENT.
BEST REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
EQUITY CHAMBERS,
NO.10 ALFRED MORE STREET,
SURULERE-LAGOS NIGERIA.
================================
Dear Nonstyk Barrister,
Thank you for keeping my case, I have my bus ticket for Moncton and we are leaving Thursday morning. If we can
get there in time Thursday night, I will send the $8300 then. If it's to late and they are closed, I will send
it Friday morning.
Always on the ball,
Nonstyky
===============================
From: james obi
My dearest beloved sister,
I just received your email and still not happy with the way you are talking about my little son Bob, please
can you do me a favour? I would want you to continue feeding little Bob for me and be keeping the record of how
much you spend on his feeding, don’t worry I will pay. I love children so much that I don’t like seeing them cry.
My beloved, please try and see that the attorney start and end with your brief this week because I can’t wait any
longer to come over. More over time is not on our side.
I will be expecting your mail, while waiting may the almighty God be with you and my little boy Bob.
I remain your brother,
James.
================
James, you sensitive boob, you are material for sainthood, you are.
I am in constant correspondence with Barrister Amadi and things should get going later on in the week.
I will only talk in good of your illegitimate son from now on. I have found a way to get Social Services off your
back for a while. The nominal baptism had occurred but not the functional baptism, which happened yesterday, so
I changed the name of your son to Becosse. That was my grand-father's name. It is Gaelic for "The Hefty One".
So now they are looking for someone called Bob and they don't know about Little Becosse Nonstyk Obi. Your cute
little bastard son is still growing very fast, and needs new shoes and clothes, so I'm adding up all the cost as
you said and will present you with the bill when you land in Canada.
Hoping to have everything resolved with the barrister by this weekend, I remain for ever, the mother of your Little
Becosse,
Without nunsense,
Sister Spatula
============================
Note: Becosse is French Canadian slang for Outhouse
=============================
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA,
THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR LATEST EMAIL CORRESPONDENT TO OUR LEGAL FIRM AND WE ARE COUNTING ON
YOUR PROMISES. THURSDAY EVENING OR FRIDAY MORNING WILL NOT BE TOO LATE, YOU HAVE NO PROBLEM. ALL YOU OWE OUR LEGAL
FIRM IS TO FULFILL YOUR PROMISE AND LIVE THE REST FOR OUR LEGAL FIRM.
BEST REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
SURULERE-LAGOS NIGERIA.
===========================
Dear Patient Barrister,
There should be no problem with the transfer on Friday. In fact, my biggest problem I suspect will be finding an
internet access to let you know of the details. Sister Teflone Soopladle thinks that there is one at the Moncton
library.
To Friday then.
Nonstyk
===========================
From: james obi as Spam ]
Subject:
Can’t wait to join you !!!
My dearest beloved sister,
Thank you for your recommendation to be a saint.
I am very much impressed with your last email to me; I hope things will work out just exactly the way
you wrote it because I can’t wait to join you there in Canada to see my little boy Bob.
My beloved, you may look at little Bob as a bastard but that is the way the almighty God has wanted him to come
and either you or me can’t change the will etc....etc....
My sister, hope your changing my little boy’s name does not stop him from being my son? This is because I still
want him to be my responsibility immediately I am in Canada. So be keeping record of your expenses of all you have
spent so far and the once you are spending now and in time to come.
Please my sister try and see that you and the attorney conclude with this transaction this week.
My knees are still on the ground praying to the almighty God to grant you the strength to be able to come up with
the attorney’s fees.
May the almighty God guide and protect you and little Bob for me until we meet.
I remain your brother,
James.
==============================
Your Holiness James,
Once this is over, I shall make an application to Pope Benedict for your sainthood. Then, when our Little Becosse
grows up and goes to local bars as I'm sure he will, he can brag that his father is Saint Obi.
The Attorney should be on the job by Friday so that everything will proceed swiftly from then on.
Do not think that you have absolved yourself of your responsibility regarding your little Bastard Becosse? because
you have not. The Social Services still have your signed paternal declaration on your son, it's just that the Functional
Baptism which is the final say now has his real name "Becosse" on it. And your child support due is now
approaching $5000 according to the latest Social Services notice. Apparently, they are tagging a $700 fine for
that bounced cheque. You should be more careful with your finances. Boy! I wouldn't want to be in your shoes when
you land in Canada.
So PLEASE do not refer to him as Bob anymore as that was only a temporary name until his functional baptism, and
I don't want Social Services to catch up to you until you come to Canada as that might interfere with my inheritance
transfer.
Your Little Becosse will probably weigh more than you by the time you make it to Canada, the way he eats everything
in sight. Get back down on your knees you sinner and pray that the food holds out.
You should be on your way to Canada by next week should all go well.
To later then
Sister Spatula
ps/ I attach Little Becosse's Birth certificate that they gave me on Monday.
=========================================================
FROM: BARRISTER OSUNDU AMADI.
DEAR MISS SPATULA,
THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR RECENT EMAIL CORRESPONDENT TO OUR LEGAL FIRM. AND WE WISH TO INFORM
YOU THAT WE ARE COUNTING ON YOUR PROMISE TO EFFECT OUR PART PAYMENT TO ENABLE US START UP WITH YOU BRIEF ON MONDAY.
THEREFORE, WE HOPE THAT YOU HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THE ACCOUNT DETAILS WE FORWARDED TO YOU IN ORDER TO EFFECT THE PAYMENT.
IN ORDER WORD IF YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THE ACCOUNT DETAILS PLEASE RECONFIRM IT NOW BELOW.
STANDARD CHARTERED BANK
SHENZHEN BRANCH
HONG KONG
SWIFT CODE: SCBLCNSXSHZ
A/C #: 4542230411
A/C NAME: ZHONGHAI INT’L
(HK) LIT.
FINALLY, HOPE YOU HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THAT WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER IS NO LONGER SAFE IN TRANSFERRING OUR PAYMENT?
WE HEREBY ADVICE THAT YOU AVOID THE MISTAKE OF MAKING OUR PAYMENT VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.
WE WILL BE EXPECTING YOUR URGENT RESPONSE ON FIRDAY TO COMMENCE DUTY ON YOUR BRIEF ON MONDAY.
BEST REGARDS,
BARRISTER. OSUNDU AMADI
SURULERE-LAGOS NIGERIA.
=====================
Yes Barrister, I will be transferring the money via probably the Moncton International
Bank using the specification you have provided. I'm leaving in an hour for Moncton.
Hold all your other cases, Spatula is coming.
To Friday then.
Nonstyk
======================
From: james obi
My dearest beloved sister,
I am very surprised with the content of your last email to me, how on earth would you ever think that I would forget
my responsibility as a farther? I have always been a responsible farther and will continue to be a responsible
farther ok.
I have taking note of my son’s new name and such mistake of referring to him as Bob will never repeat it self again
as the new name has gotten into my brain and mind.
I must confess to you that my son looks very big in his birth certificate and I will appreciate if you will continue
with the good job you are doing by taking good care of him for, I sincerely promise that you will never regret
taking care of that little God’s gift for me.
My happiness is that we will soon conclude this mutual beneficial transaction and I will soon be with you and my
son in person to stay.
May the almighty God continue to bless you and my little son Becosse.
I remain your brother,
James.
==========================
James, you do not have to worry about your precious Little Becosse, if we didn't feed
him enough, he probably would go out and hunt a moose.
So...you think he's a little big do ya? well, he is four times bigger than other kids his age so as you can see,
it's from eating all that Nigerian baloney.
I have good news and bad news. The good news is that all is on tract for tomorrow's money transfer to the attorney.
The bad news is that the ruse didn't work with Social Services. They called me this morning and said that your
child support is now $5235. and they are putting a warrant out for your arrest. They will be dropping in this afternoon
with some papers.
I didn't tell them that I was leaving for Moncton shortly. You will have to deal with them when you come to Canada.
You should have taken better care of your responsibilities toward your illegitimate son Little Becosse.
I will try to find an internet access in Moncton to keep in touch and inform you of the development.
To later, father of Becosse,
Sister Spatula
PS? I have one question. When you come to Canada, How do you intend to take care of your Little Becosse while your
wife and other children are with you? Doesn't your wife mind that you have illegitimate children all over the place?
Didn't she suggest that perhaps you should put a muzzle on it?
=============
From: james obi
Subject: Please Help Me !!!
My dearest sister,
You have putting me in one trouble I never wanted to get my self involved in, please tell me how I can
handle the social services without being arrested? I am very much confused on that part!!
As for taking care of my little son when I come over to Canada, I will simply tell my wife that the Canadian Government
gave it to me as one of there condition to adopt my little boy Becosse ok, so that is no problem at all because
my wife will understand and see reason with me that the little boy needs care.
Please my beloved sister, find a way to help me sort things with the social services in order to enable me find
my way to Canada when our money enters your account.
I will be expecting your reply.
I remain your brother,
James.
=========================
Dear wanted James,
I have just arrived in Moncton and am at the Library. The bank closed at 3 PM so we missed it by 2 hours. I shall
be doing the transfer to the attorney tomorrow morning when the bank opens at 11:AM
When I checked my emails, I had your message and this document that Sister Forkenknyves forward to me. Apparently,
the RCMP dropped it off at the convent around 10 o'clock after I had left. She doesn't know about you and is asking
a lot of questions. You are in deep trouble now. As I told you before, you should never sign documents without
first reading them.
I'll see what I can do since the convent has a lot of influence with our local politicians. Sister Spatula is on
the case so nothing to worry about, I will fix everything so that you can come to Canada. I've seen this type of
case before and you will easily fix the problem, although you will probably have to sign over a mortgage on your
house in Nigeria, but that's just a formality, nothing to worry about. I'll find out more and get back to you.
Sister Spatula is there for her Sacraficial James.
I like the idea you have, to tell your wife that the Canadian government gives you a child when you immigrate to
Canada. What a brilliant idea. As for your wife, having married you sort of tells me that she will fall for it.
I will get back to you after I have made the transfer tomorrow and the barrister has his money in hand.
To tomorrow, and try to stay out of trouble.
Sister Spatula
ps/ Do confirm that you do indeed have property in your name in Nigeria.
====================
Dearest Barrister Amadi,
Finally I get my turn at the computer. The library has been extremely busy all day and since I got an hour yesterday,
they wouldn't let me at it until 5 o'clock.
The transfer has been made. Unfortunately I didn't know that it would cost more in U.S. Dollars so my $8300 Canadian
dollars turned out to be $6844 US dollars.
I have my receipt here but no scanner so I will send you a copy when I'm back at the convent.
Please acknowledge receipt of my money and start to work on my brief before God catches up to you.
Nonstyk Spatula
===================================
James of Nazareth,
I have sent the attorney his fee so he should be on the case by Monday which leaves little time to take care of
your problem. I have not received your answer to my question. Do you own property in Nigeria? I need an answer
quickly because if you don't I will have to take a different approach to your problem. I meet with the New Brunswick
Bishop tomorrow and need to know.
I await your answer while Little Becosse wishes his father in distant Nigeria, a good trip to Canada next week.
Your partner in crime,
Sister Spatula
PS/ What if your wife ask you how come you get a free child when you enter Canada and she doesn't? Will she not
get jealous. And when someone is expelled, do they have to give the child back. And, if you, your wife and four
kids immigrate to Canada, and get a child each wouldn't that would make you an instant family of twelve.
These are important questions we need to discuss before the problem arises.
=======================================
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